My normal doctor referred me to an obgyn, but I don't have an appointment until September 17th.
I feel so out of the loop with what is going on with my body. I haven't been consulted on what the plan is, nor have I been prescribed any medication. I'm on CD85 (after a 90+ day cycle ending with provera), and I'm feeling very discouraged.
I've been trying to eat healthier, and I'm exercising more.. Unfortunately, Dr Google says that high testosterone makes it harder to lose weight, and easier to gain it. I'm also seeing a lot of info regarding a good chance of developing diabetes and insulin resistance? I dunno.. I am trying not to worry myself, but a feel like I need a nice, long cry.
I know things could have been much worse so I am very thankful for the results I received. I really don't want to seem like I'm complaining. I'm just trying to figure things out.
Between the recent stress at work, home repairs, getting things ready for the in-laws coming next weekend, and trying to fix my body.. I'm feeling so overwhelmed.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel like this is all my fault. How did I let myself get so overweight? Why can't I do enough to help myself? How dare I let things get so out of control?
I feel so sorry for DH.. He is so excited to be a dad, and he doesn't deserve this. He is trying so hard to be understanding, but I can tell he is disappointed. It breaks my heart.
My mom told me everything she went through in the 8 years it took for her to conceive me, and it devastates me to say that it sounds exactly like what I am going through. Granted, this was the 80s so I know there is better technology now, but I feel like I should have known I was going to have issues. Why did I let myself believe I'd have a chance on my own? 6 months later, and still no O.. Still no AF without meds.
My in-laws get here on Friday, and our 2 year anniversary is next month so I know they will be asking about babies. I'm trying to prepare myself for that because I do not feel comfortable confiding in them. I don't feel like they would understand, and I HATE sympathy. It makes me feel guilty to see someone pitying me.
It's late, I'm emotional.. I should probably just stop here. I apologize for the AW-ish blog post. I know I'm being ridiculous. I was hoping writing all this would make me feel better, but I was wrong.
Have a good night all. <3
This is your blog, you can write whatever you need to write, make no apologies! I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this, I hope time flies and your appt arrives quickly so you can get some info on what this all means. I feel like that would be hardest, all of the questions and not knowing. If you need to cry, just let it out, I've found it helps. I think you should reread the 3rd paragraph of your last post - you are an amazing person, don't forget that! And I'll be here to remind you when you forget. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jay, I definitely needed to read that today. I appreciate you so much. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you.
DeleteI LOVE YOU Elise!
ReplyDeleteLike J said this is your blog, write whateve is on your mind.
Love you too, Kassie :)
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