BFN-no

I know I said I wouldn't, and I made it ALL day yesterday not doing so... but I ended up taking a HPT.    *hangs head in shame*      -  Needless to say, it was a BFN.

All these pregnancy dreams are really starting to mess with my head. I need to find a better way to keep myself sane. Now.. what was it I used to do before TTC? lol

I recently read "Safe Haven" by Nicholas Sparks. It was really good, and it did succeed in keeping me distracted for awhile. I need to find another book.. preferably a series to keep me busy.

Anyway, this weekend has been pretty low-key.. which is exactly what I've needed. We got some stuff done around the house, and in the yard. I am hoping to start decorating sometime soon. We've almost been here a year so it's about time!

Wow, this blog post has proved itself to be very boring. I probably should start getting ready for bed anyway.. I'm not looking forward to waking up early.

SHORT WEEK/LONG WEEKEND AHEAD!

"O" Where For Art Thou?

I may have gotten my positive OPK on Sunday, but fertilityfriend doesn't seem to think I've Oed. So here I am on CD27 just waiting. I'm not sure what is going on exactly, or what to expect. I can only hope that my cycle isn't too long, and that I'll get AF without having to get on Provera again.

I just need to stay positive. Things will work out one way or another.

In Other News:

Here is a pretty neat, feel good story :)

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/man-found-returned-100-gold-rings-30-years-193934509.html

High Expectations?

My relationships are important to me, and deserve to be treated as such. I like reminding my friends that they are special, and that someone is thinking about them. I am constantly going out of my way to make others feel good, and I never ask for anything in return. I enjoy doing these things for the people I care about, and I will continue to do so.

It has taken some time, but I have finally figured out who I am.. and I know my worth. I know how I deserve to be treated, and this isn't it.

Is desiring respect in my friendships expecting too much? It's not like I am demanding attention, or wanting people to drop everything just to make me happy. It would just be nice to know that someone out there cares.

I feel like the people I consider to be friends only talk to me when they need something, or when I initiate the conversation. I also feel like they only have something to do with me when it is convenient for them. I know that sounds really pathetic, but it becomes more and more true every day.

Even when these people do actually talk to me they never ask about my life or how I am.. it's all about what they want to talk about, and that is usually themselves.

I'm always here when people need me.. no matter what. I listen to their good news, bad news.. I'm always there to congratulate them or to be a shoulder to cry on. But where are they when I need them?

I am not saying that I'm perfect by any means. I know I have plenty to work on in different aspects of my life, and I am constantly striving to be a better person. That is something that will always be important to me. I want to be known for my good character.

Anyway..

I know what you are thinking.. "These people don't sound like friends." or "You need to find better friends." I've tried.. things go well for awhile, but they seem to always end up here. And I don't want anyone to think these girls are bad people. They really aren't.

But now that I'm TTC it breaks my heart more than ever. I know I have my husband and my family, and for that I am incredibly blessed. It's just that I consider a lot of these girls my sisters. We have been through so much together, and I really want them to celebrate with me. I want them at my baby shower, and to come see me at the hospital. I just want to know they care in general.

I know a lot of this stuff is way in the future, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I feel completely lame for writing such a depressing post, and I really hope it doesn't come off as whiney. I just needed to vent.

I have met quite a few amazing women on thebump, and I am so thankful. I just think it is completely insulting that people I just met on the internet seem to care about me a lot more than my friends do.

I treat people the way I want to be treated.. is that really so hard to do for someone you love? I mean.. even treating people you don't know with respect is effortless. At least that's how it is for me..

I want to end this post on a good note. Here's a Jensen gif:

Cha Cha Slide Anyone?

Well, my road trip to Wyoming turned out really awesome! I don't remember the last time I had so much fun!

There is only one Jensen gif to express last night:

After my Scentsy party they had a bonfire, drinks, smores, and a dj! Usually I'm pretty shy around new people, but luckily I had a close friend from high school there to chill with. Since it was dark, and just about everyone was intoxicated I was comfortable enough to dance, sing, and just completely let loose. Talk about a stress free evening! I never wanted to leave!

Note to self: Find how to make a "naked squirrel".. it was delicious.

I did end up finding some time to step away for my OPK. It came out negative, but that was probably for the best since I didn't get home until 1am. I still can't believe I stayed out that late (I usually go to bed around 9:30).

When I took my OPK today I was sort of hoping for a negative.. The hubby has been feeling pretty hung over the majority of the day.. lol. He probably wouldn't appreciate that I shared that on the internet, but I'm sure no one we know IRL will be able to find this.

Anyway..

The test came out positive! This is the first time I've ovulated since we started trying in March! Crappy timing, but I'll take it! I'm just thankful that my body is finally starting to adjust from getting off the pill.  Hopefully things keep going in a positive direction.. baha.. punny..

It is getting late, I have to work in the morning, and I've kind of run out of things to say.. so I think this is the perfect place to end this post.

Goodnight :)



Wyoming Bound!

I haven't posted in a couple days because I wasn't really sure what to talk about. So I figured since I have something going on today I could just blog about that.

The hubby and I are taking a road trip to Wyoming!

I hear ya, I hear ya.. What could one possibly do in Wyoming? Well I'll tell ya!

Trip Preparation / Agenda:

1. Buy snacks from local store.
2. Top off gas in car.
3. Pick road trip music.
4. Drive for about 2 hours.. could be worse.. zzzzz
5. Catch up with a good friend.
6. Set up / have an awesome Scentsy, Pink Papaya, and Thrive open house. (yeah, we're wild)
7. Bonfire/BYOB (must..have..smores)

It should be a good time!

The only thing is.. I have to figure out how to get away unnoticed for 5 minutes (or so) to take my OPK. I don't want someone to think I'm.. you know.. 

Anyway..

I guess I'm just going to have to deal with what people may think. In the long run it will be worth it. Maybe they will be so preoccupied that they won't notice my absence. Meh, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm probably feeling self conscious for no reason. I'm sure once I'm done with my first month of charting things will start to seem more normal. At least that is what I hope :)

I should probably go finish getting things together so I can start getting ready. I hope y'all have a wonderful Saturday!

*tries to make cool exit*

 

Introduction - First Blog Post

I'm not much of a blogger, but I figured this would be a good way to process my thoughts. Sometimes it helps to have everything laid out right in front of your eyes.. At least that's what I've been told.

We'll see how long this holds up.. lol

About me:

-I am 24 years old. (half a year away from being 25..)

-I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 2 years now. (We've been together for 5.)

-We just bought our first house September of last year, and it's starting to feel more like home. (I really need to get some pictures hung, and make the place more personal. All in good time I guess.)

-I wish things would stop breaking so often in said home.. "Welcome to being a homeowner!"

-I have a dog that calls me "Mama". (I'm serious.. I taught him to speak.. creepy I know..)

-I really enjoy plays, musicals.. really anything to do with the performing arts. (I love to sing.)

-I miss writing poetry. Maybe I'll start again, and post some on here. (no promises)

-I love to read. I just finished "Safe Haven" by Nicholas Sparks this morning.

-I work at a very well known company, and I play a rather large role on a complicated project.

-I also have my own home business. (Independent Scentsy Consultant)

I guess that is me in a nutshell.


Why I started this blog:

My husband and I have wanted children for years, but it had never been the "right time". Now that we are settled into our home, and have dependable jobs we feel a lot more comfortable getting things started. I know there is never an "ideal" time financially to bring a child into the world, but we feel we are in a good place. Of course times of struggle will come, but we feel confident that we are stable enough to handle it.

I started taking PVs in December of last year, and finally got off BCP in February. We officially started TTC in March. (We are keeping this a secret.. We want it to be a surprise.)

I never thought this was going to be easy..

-I know all bodies are different, but it still haunts me that it took my mom 8 years (with treatment) to conceive me. I try not to let this define me or my TTC experience. I am not my mother. I do not have my mother's body. Things could work out differently.

-When I think back at all the time we had been TTA I have to laugh at myself. I was always paranoid about getting pregnant before we were ready.

-The media is always advertising how teens are getting KU by accident. They make it seem like it would be so easy. Even health class back in high school made it sound like everyone gets pregnant their first time, or right away.

-I have always known this wasn't true because I know there are people out there (like my mom) who try for years before getting a positive test.. but for some reason it felt like it wouldn't take too long. I don't know why I threw logic out the window.

Luckily, soon after we started TTC I found TheBump. (I had remembered seeing it years ago when I was a member of TheKnot.)

-Originally I had joined because I couldn't wait to get started on my registries, and website (I'm lame, I know.). I knew that nothing was going to happen right away, but I couldn't wait to explore this new chapter in my life.

-Unfortunately, that was short lived. Once I let my emotions connect with my brain I realized how naïve I was. Sure it's great to be able to do research, and learn about all the products, etc.. but that wasn't what I had been doing. I had been making wish lists, and thinking about how to decorate the nursery.

-While that's all well and good.. it wasn't helping with the most important detail.. I kind of need a baby on the way first..

Anyway..

Eventually I found the community boards, and started to lurk. I was so surprised at the information I was finding. I came to realize that I knew very little about how my body actually worked.

Since I wasn't adjusting well to getting off BC, my doctor prescribed Provera to jumpstart my period (I had gone without it for over 3 months). A week after my last pill it finally started. I am hoping this means my body has adjusted. I would really prefer not to get on the medication again.

When my period ended I started taking my temperature, checking my cervical mucus (sounds gross, I know), and charting my results every morning when I first wake up. I do this with FertilityFriend. I haven't had a chance to go through all the tutorials yet, but it is supposed to help me figure out when I ovulate, etc.

It feels so good to have a better understanding of how my body works.. It's also very helpful financially now that I know when to test, etc. No more wasting money!

That's pretty much where I sit now. I'm on the 19th day of my cycle, and still waiting to ovulate. Hopefully I'll get a positive OPK soon. (See my chart here.)

Wow, this is a pretty massive first post. I guess my blog name is suitable after all.

If you are considering joining thebump: 

Check out this useful information, and find acronym descriptions here.

Until we meet again..